Title: A beautiful Lie
Author: Bwitched83uk (email@example.com)
Summary: Jared knows that what he and Colin share is nothing more than a beautiful lie, or is it?
Beta: My darling Beth.
Feedback: Makes Jared and Colin horny baby.
The early morning sunlight flitted in through the big bay windows, flooding the hotel room with a soft golden glow. Jared had been awake the entire night; he couldn’t bear to close his eyes in case Colin disappeared.
He laid next to Colin, the two of them facing each other, and gently stroked the Irishman’s hair away from his face. The only problem with having something you want is that you then have something to lose. The idea of losing Colin terrified Jared. How had he managed to fall so hard so fast?
He tried to quench the fear rising up in him, wanting to enjoy the moment for what it was but he couldn’t. He got up out of the bed, grabbing his guitar from the empty chair by the wall and went out to sit on the balcony.
Colin awoke a few minutes later the sound of gentle strumming accompanied by Jared’s beautiful voice. It was a song Colin didn’t know, hadn’t heard before. It sounded like Jared was just making it up as he went along as he kept playing the same bit over and over again.
“Do you live, do you die, do you bleed for the fantasy? In your mind, to your eyes, do you see? It’s the fantasy,” he sang softly and slowly.
Colin wanted to snuggle into Jared’s pillow, smelling his lingering scent, and listen to the soft music filtering in through the open door, but another part of him wanted to get closer, wanted to touch Jared while he listened. He rose out of the bed, naked as the day he was born and went out onto the balcony.
“Hey,” Jared said with a smile on his face. He was perched on the end of a sun lounger, his guitar in his hands and a notebook between his thighs.
Colin returned the smile and came to sit behind him, his legs either side of the chair as he moved forward to wrap his arms around Jared’s waist. “Don’t stop,” he murmured in his ear as he rested his face against Jared’s shoulder and closed his eyes.
That night some of the cast and crew were meeting for drinks at a bar. Even Oliver had come out with them, though he had been on the phone most of the time. No doubt checking everything was okay and making adjustments to tomorrow’s script.
Colin was, as usual, the centre of attention, with every woman in the place hanging on his every word. Jared knew he shouldn’t feel jealous or threatened by it, it was just who Colin was. In that way he was very much like Alexander. He had a lot of love to give, even if it was for just a short time.
If Jared were a better man, he would be more like Hephaistion; he would accept Colin the way he was and do what ever it took to make him happy.
As he watched Colin chat cosily with Rosario, he wondered how long it would be before he just wasn’t enough for Colin. He wondered how long it would be before Colin found himself in someone else’s bed. Perhaps that’s why Alexander and Hephaistion’s relationship was so good, because Hephaistion never got jealous, never tried to hold him back.
He downed the rest of his drink and went over to the bar to get another one. “Two beers please,” he ordered, leaning on the bar and closing his eyes.
He turned to look at Colin as the other man came up behind him and placed his hand on Jared’s shoulder. “You’re not drunk again are you? I’m not going to have to put to you bed again am I?” Colin then made a show of thinking about it. “Actually, that doesn’t sound too bad does it?” He grinned and stroked his hand down Jared’s arm.
Jared smiled back weakly and turned to thank the barman who had just placed the beers on the bar.
“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” Colin asked, sensing Jared’s mood.
“Do you like her?” he asked before he could stop himself.
“Her who? Rosie? Is that what this is about, you’re jealous?” Colin let out a laugh and shook his head. He glanced down at his watch, noting the time. “Well, we were able to go a full nineteen hours without any hiccups, I’ve got to say I’d have put money on it being sooner.”
“I’m not jealous,” Jared said with what he hoped was conviction. “She’s a beautiful woman, I wouldn’t blame you if you were interested.” He nervously took a sip of his beer to wet his mouth. “I mean, if you wanted to, I would understand.”
Colin frowned at him, not liking where this was going. “Are you giving me permission to fuck somebody else?”
Jared took another, deeper, swallow of his beer and shrugged while thinking, ‘God, please say no, please say you don’t want to.’
Colin mimicked his shrug in a mocking way. “What the fuck does this mean?”
“I know how are you,” Jared said, a little louder and angrier than he had wanted to. “I don’t expect you to change your way of doing things for me, I want you to do what ever makes you happy.”
Colin looked away from him, hurt and angry. “You’re so certain I’m going to fail aren’t you? Do you have any idea how hard last night was for me? To let go like that with you? I trusted you enough to show you my fucking soul and now, day one of this,” he motioned to the two of them, indicating their new found relationship, or what ever the hell it was. “You’re saying you don’t trust me back.” He picked his beer bottle up off the bar and took a big swig.
“Colin, I do trust you, of course I trust you. I just know how hard it must be for you, I’m just telling you I don’t expect you to change over night.” Jared moved forward, needing to touch Colin in some way but Colin took a step back from him.
“Change? You can’t change me Jared and if you think you can then this is doomed from the start.” He did what he always did when he felt uncomfortable or upset, he reached into his pocket and took out his cigarettes. “I was going to try so hard not to fuck this up, but what’s the point if you don’t have any faith in me to begin with?” He lit his cigarette and began walking away from Jared.
“Colin, where are you going?” Jared asked desperately. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to lose Colin less than twenty-four hours after he got him.
“To do what I do best,” Colin replied, holding up his bottle of beer before leaving Jared alone in the bar.
Colin had spent the last two hours going from bar to bar in the teaming city of Bangkok. He was hurt and he was angry and as he finished off his whiskey, and slamming it down on the table, he pushed rudely past a group of young French people and walked out of the smoky bar.
He was so angry he felt like hitting something or someone. He walked for a while, long, determined strides until he finally came to a taxicab place and slumped against the wall.
He took several deep breaths and ran his hand over his face. Deep down he knew that Jared was just trying to make him happy. He looked up and spied a pay phone across the road.
Rooting around in his jeans pocket he found some change and inserted it into the phone. He dialled the number and held his breath, waiting for someone to answer.
“Eamon, I need some advice.”
“Jesus fucking Christ Colin, do you know what time it is here? Are you drunk, you fucker?”
“…Yeah. But I really do need to talk to you.”
“Are you in some Thailand jail getting anal probed by the authorities?”
“Have you been kidnapped and are being sold as a rent boy slave?”
“Then it can wait until morning, ya bastard.”
“Eamon, just fucking listen will ya. I think… I might be, um, well I kind of did something and… oh for fuck sake, I’m seeing a bloke, alright.”
“Eamon? Did you hear me?”
“Is this a joke?”
“What do you think?”
“Oh baby brother, it’s about fucking time. Well done little man, glad you finally got it right.”
“Shut up, ya fucker. I think I’m kind of, well I like him, a lot, and I think I may have fucked it up.”
“Well knowing you as I do I’m sure you probably did do something to fuck it up.”
“So how do I fix it?”
“Well, a relationship with a man isn’t really that different to a relationship with a girl, except there are no yucky periods and you don’t have to leave the toilet seat down.”
“That doesn’t really help me, I know as little about relationships with women as I do about men.”
“Alright little brother, tell me everything, except the part where the two of you fuck. I don’t need to hear about my baby brother’s first time taking it up the arse.”
Jared had made his way straight back to the hotel room, feeling miserable and stupid. Why couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut? Why did he have to say anything?
He laid on the bed, wearing only his jeans, staring up at the ceiling. He thought about getting dressed and going out looking for Colin but he decided against it. Not only did he not have a clue where Colin was but also he thought that maybe Colin needed some time to cool off.
When the door handle began jiggling and a shout of, “Fucking card keys,” hit his ears he pushed himself up, resting on his hands, to look at the door.
When Colin entered and shut the door behind him, he just stared over at Jared. He shrugged off his jacket and let it fall to the floor before walking slowly towards the bed. He stood at the bottom of the bed and the two men simply looked at one another, unsure what to say or how to even begin.
After a few awkward seconds where Colin opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again, he climbed onto the bed and moved up to cover Jared’s body. Without any words, he buried his face in the side of Jared’s neck and squeezed him tightly.
Jared felt as though a huge weight had been removed from his chest and he slid his hand up Colin’s back to stroke his hair. “I’m sorry.”
He could feel Colin nod against his throat and he smiled softly. They stayed that way for a few minutes, just enjoying being close, taking comfort from the contact.
“You know why I’m always drunk when I take a woman home?” Colin said suddenly, sitting up to face Jared. “I never really thought about it before tonight, never noticed it was a pattern. It is though. I don’t have to have a drink before being with you Jared, I don’t have to drink and become the super version of myself that everyone else wants. I don’t need the added confidence, I don’t need to be jollier or more interesting than I really am. I don’t have to act the part of a better me.”
Jared listened to him carefully. Though Colin had clearly been drinking, he had sobered up enough to make sense, to put his feelings into words.
“You have no idea what a release it was to say, ‘it’s okay to let yourself become attached to someone.’ I was happy of my reputation, it stopped people from getting close. I’d fuck a different woman every night, happy in the knowledge that they knew it was casual and that they would never have my heart.” He stopped and took Jared’s hands in his. “But you,” his voice choked a little and wet his lips with his tongue. “You got in somehow and now I’m fucking terrified of loosing myself in you. But you know what? I’m not going to fight it anymore, I’m not going to fuck other people to stop you from getting too close. I’m just going to let it happen, because I’m too tired to fight anymore.”
“Colin,” Jared whispered as he moved forward and pressed his lips gently against Colin’s. “It’s not about winning or loosing.”
Colin took one of the hands that he was holding and placed it over his heart. “I’ve never let anyone in here before,” he smiled weakly. “Be careful with it.”
Jared nodded and wrapped his arms around Colin’s shoulders, holding him as tight as he could.
After what seemed like an eternity in which only the two of them existed, Jared laid them both down and reached over tot urn off the bedside lamp. He slid his arm around Colin’s waist and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to take him.
I just love this story. And this chapter was really beautiful.Adaia
Thank you sweetie, I'm glad you are enjoying it :)
Nice and emotionally moving chapter which got a lot of the insecurities out of the way.
Thank you :)
I like this story so much. The chapters are always so romantic, the kind of relationship between Jared and Colin -although or maybe because they have to face so much problems- is incredible intensive. Despair, love, angst, desire...Good idea to include some lines of The Fantasy, probably from now on I will always think of Jared and Colin sitting on the balcony when I listen to the song...
Yay, I'm glad that listening to The Fantasy will make you think of my fic from now on :)I'm glad you liked this chapter and the story so far.*hugs*
This is an amazing story. I've been reading from the beginning but this chapter is probably my favorite yet. Can't wait for the next.
Thank you darling *Hugs*
I've hardly read any good stories lately but when I stumbled across this one I read all the chapters at once...I really love it and hope you continue soon The way you describe their feelings reminds me to a lot of stuff that I felt, so wow for it being realistic in that way.Anyways, love it and can't wait for more <3
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.I am continuing it, I have already started writing the next chapter and hopfully it will be up soon :)
I loved this chapter! Loved this chapter! It was all so emotional! Full of the tension of two people who don't quite know how to deal with their feelings and their relationship! Brilliance! *applauds*
Thank you sweetheart, I'm glad you liked it.I'm currently writing the next chapter so hopefully it will be up soon :)